You know sometimes you just have days when nothing goes right. You feel like the world is against you at all odds. Yes, I know I probably sound like the most pessimistic person ever. I just wonder why everytime I feel like I get a break something worse just happens right afterward. Sometimes I think that I have it altogether, but the next moment my world begins to crash around me. I have never quite understood why this keeps happening. Is it that I live in a world that is just that awful? Or do I make it that way? Sometimes I think that some people myself included just find reasons to be unhappy. It is so much easier to have something to complain about than to just be happy with life. It is hard to actually say this out loud. Why can't I make it easier? Why do I always take the hard way? I don't settle for the things that would make me the happiest. I am constantly running towards the things that make me feel the worse. Sometimes I just cry out that I don't know what to do with my life. I just hurt. I constantly do things that I regret even when I know better. I regret afterwards, but I guess feeling pain is better than feeling nothing at all.
Another issue I have is that why do some of the worst things for you always feel so great in the moment. However later on, I think what the HELL was I thinking. I don't know why I keep doing these things to myself. Why can't I just be happy. Why do I always do the things that hurt me the most. Yes, I feel happy for a moment, but after that moment is gone, I feel so broken inside. I hurt. I cry. I am in so much pain. WHY, WHY? I wonder this all the time. Why do I follow my heart down pathways that are just full of pain and confusion. Why can't I lead myself down a path that will make me happy. For in the end, the life that I am leading right now is just one that will end up in me hating myself. How can someone hate themself? Why can't they just be happy with the blessings they have? I wonder why sometimes I just don't let myself be happy. Pain, Pain. I just roll in it every single day. I constantly put myself in situations that will eventually lead to my destruction. I need to become a better person. I just need to come out of this phase with my head held high and not worry about what people think of me. I need to be a better person. Just somedays, it can be so hard. Sometimes I just feel like my life is a dream. How can I be so stupid to do the things that I do? I just feel like the name God gave me is not even characteristic of me anymore. I am such a different person than I was even a year ago. I really need to see the sunlight once more. I need to be brought out of this darkness. I want to be out of this dark phase that I am in. I just hope that one day I will be strong again. I WANT to be INDEPENDENT like I once was. So, don't tell me if I'm dying, because I will come out of this a better and stronger person.
Here is a video that is dedicated to the title of this blog entry.
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I think many people tend to be very pessimistic. They are always dwelling on the bad things in life. Life is definitely full of suffering. We just have to look around the world to see it. We have to look at the blessings we have. My life has its share of problems. I have things and people that I want in my life, but it's usually to little avail. That's just the way life is. I do think many times we bring things on ourselves. We seem to be attracted to those things that will reinforce our negative emotions and feelings.
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